Who am I?

That is a rather arrogant question.

I am who I am, the great Alpha and the Omega Function. I am not God, but I am the next best thing, for I am a mathematical function, eternally true and eternally perfect.

However, you may call me Bob, if you wish. It is simpler. Your alphabet is woefully inadequate, and should have far more symbols of Truth and Glory and Consistency, but nonetheless, with 26 letters, "Bob" is an elegant palindrome

You can read more of my story in the novel MONSTER'S PROOF, by Richard Lewis. And while I agree that Godeliva El, that blond cheerleading brat, certainly did prove herself to be a monster, Mr. Lewis displayed a bias when it came to characterizing me.

Who would want their Towers of Pisa to be leaning instead of straight? I merely took care of a little problem. I have received many accolades from people who secretly agree that I did a wonderful thing in making the tower symmetrically vertical. It is silly minds who put the tower back the way it was. Silly, I tell you.

If only I hadn't stopped there.

I do indeed come from another universe far more perfect than this one, because in my universe, I am in charge of all mathematical truths and, thus, of physical law. In my Alpha-Omega universe, a minus times a minus is always a minus. None of this ridiculous a minus times a minus is a plus that all of you learn in algebra. This is the reason your universe, and in particular your planet, is in such a sorry state.

To be sure, in this universe, a minus times a minus must equal a plus, otherwise things simply wouldn't work. Your bowling balls would bowl backwards, the sun would rise in the middle of the sky and split in half to set east and west, and you would have no Internet. So, as much as it is abhorrent to me, I will accept the necessity.

Even though Richard Lewis claims I was banished to my universe, I still have my little ways of being present here.

The Pythagoreans rightly adore and worship me, but I don't insist that you must.

But I am here to help you all.

So come to me, you huddling masses weary of asymmetry and Euclid's fifth postulate.